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June 2012



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Jun. 23rd, 2012





Just some helpful quotes I found on tumblr somewhere.

Sick but Skinny

So my whole family got some kind of stomach bug and the day before yesterday we were all really sick. It was just like having food poisoning. I spent the entire day and night throwing up. I lost count of how many times. More than 10. I threw up until I was dry heaving because there was nothing left in my stomach. It was gross. I took 3 or 4 showers, I even wore my clothes in the shower at one point because I was too weak to take them off. My abs and back hurt so much from all the puking...

That day before I got sick I had a really exhausting workout, but towards the end I started to feel dizzy and couldn't finish. I felt bad about it but then I realized it was because I was getting sick.

The next day (yesterday) I was barely able to eat anything at all. I barely had one meal, but I did drink lots of water and Gatorade and Powerade to replace all the fluids I'd lost.

Today I got on the scale and realized that I'd lost 4 pounds. 4 pounds in water weight from vomiting. I can't believe it.

So far today I've had cereal and I plan on going back to my normal eating habits once I don't feel so queasy anymore.

Hello LJ

So I am not new to LJ but this is a new journal. I needed a place to vent about my struggle with my weight that no one who knows me can see. I am so tired of this body. I am so ready to be thin and beautiful again. A few years ago I would never have imagined that I would have an issue with my weight. Now I am struggling just to lose a few pounds. I am 25 now, but my best weight was when I was 20. I miss that body. I miss the clothes I could wear. I miss going into a store and having everything I tried on look amazing. I'm not sure if that will ever happen to me again. I have had a child recently and I have stretch marks on my breasts, lower stomach, lower back, and my thighs. I hardly gained any weight when I was pregnant but somehow I still got stretch marks. They have no color and you can barely see them when I'm standing, but the minute I sit down they are visible. Instead of wearing bikinis this summer I've been wearing one piece suits. And stretch marks don't tan so they are even more visible if I get any sun. Just one more reason to make sure I wear plenty of sunscreen I guess.

Ugh. Just writing all this makes me feel like crying almost.

I am currently working out more and dieting. Unfortunately my body is weak from lack of sleep because of the baby and also from being pregnant, so I can't work out as hard as I used to. I tried doing some crunches yesterday and I could barely do 20. I used to do 130 every single day.

Back when I was at my best weight, I ran a mile every other day. On days I didn't run, I did 2 1/2 hours of yoga. I did 130 crunches every day, and 50 push ups. Food-wise, I ate mostly lean proteins like fish and chicken, and a ton of salads and fruits and veggies. I had sushi a lot. I only allowed myself to have sweets on the weekends. I didn't drink sodas ever. I drank a ton of Red Bull. I also was working at a job that kept me moving all day long. I never had a chance to sit down. I was a size 0 and I weighed 105 pounds. My abs were hard and strong and perfectly flat, they were defined and when I flexed you could see the muscles. I miss that so much.

I am now 140 lbs and I wear a size 10. Its not that bad but I know I could do better. My goal is to reach 120 lbs and then go from there. Maybe I will be happy at 120. Probably not though. I don't think I will be happy until I get to 105.